Kids are funny creatures. At first I thought it was just my children who were goofy and that they would eventually grow out of it and into some awkward stage, but that has not happened so far.
I have 3 beautiful daughters. When they were younger I watched them grow and could tell you a hundred funny stories about their antics or views on things but a more recent one is one that I feel the need to share. For those with older teenager daughters this may help you discuss things with them that I somehow forgot.
My oldest is nearly 17 and pregnant. Let's just get that bit of information out of the way.
Now being that prior to the pregnancy my daughter was a virgin this adventure is all about her first visit to the obgyn. We discussed her body, sex, contraception and where babies came from. It was a not a one time discussion it was one that we had several times. So it was indeed a shock to me when I recieved the wonderful news of her pregnancy via text and picture message. ( yes really a freaking text) After a long discussion and allowed her to make some very important decisions. Then I did what all good mothers would do, I made an appointment with obgyn.
This is where a sense of humor over the situation should and did come in. She is whiny and sick and had already thrown up her breakfast on the morning, of her appointment so to say she is in a bad mood would be mild.
So we arrive at the doctors office and after some paperwork they call her to the dest and ask her to pee in a cup. she of course pouts and says," I don't need to pee, I am hungry and I want food now". The nurse tells her she can eat later and that she needs to pee in a cup and that there is water she can drink in the back. my lovely mild mannered daughter who is now crazy with pregnancy hormones flops ino the seat next to me and informs everyone in the waiting room that she does not need to pee, she is hungry and wants food now.
we gets called back for her to get weighed and checked in before going into the room to see the doctor. The nurse tells her again to pee in the cup and well you can guess what she says by this time. She asks the nurse does she need to take her shoes off to be weighed and the nurst tells her it does not matter. She then kicks off her shoes and gives out a snotty fine. I am rolling my eyes enough at this point that I fewar they will get stuck in my head this way. She finally pees in the cup and the nurse walks us back to the room and instructs my daughter to undress from the waist down. She looks at the nurse like she is from Mars and with an obvious nervous gulp asks in a shaky tone, "naked?" then asks if she is supposed to just sit on the table half naked. I laugh and tell her i am pretty sure that is what the sheet is for.
She undresses and sits and a moment or two later the doctor comes in. Now the next part has to go piece by piece so you laugh like I tried to hide doing, being that the naked and sheet thing that I already did earned me a pout and offended whine from my 16 yr old.
The doctor takes her seat between my daughter's legs and instructs her to scoot down on the table. My daughter moves a half an inch. The doctor tells her to move down a lot more. She shakily moves another half of an inch. After a coupld more times of this the doctor gently takes my daughters legs and pulls her to the end of the exam table.
So here my daughter sits wit behind hanging off the end of the table, feet in stirrups and knees practically fused together. After telling her that it is a little later for that now and the doctor has to stifle a giggle as she tries to pry her knees apart.
Once that is done, the doctor opens the drawer under my daughter and begins to get a speculum out. My normally sane child begins to writhe and moan ow ow ow like someone is killing her. the doctor informs her that she is not even touching her yet. she gives a little oh . Then the real uncomfortable part of the exam begins. The whining and ow-ing continues through the pelvic, rectal and vaginal ultrasound part of the exam.
When the exam is finally over, and the blood work is all done, we begin our way home. This is when my oldest imparts on me the knowledge and my obvious mistake in the sex and baby talk, " you know if you had told me that being pregnant was going to involve puking, being sick and not being able to control my emotions I would never have had sex." I wanted to smack myself in the head because I told her and her sisters, that having a baby is miracle and a wonderful when you are grown and ready for the responsibility of raising a child and that your life becomes about the baby, apparently I should also include that the many parts of the pregnancy, child birth, and raising them comes with bad parts too.
now the talk I had to have with her school, where they made me feel like a leper and treated her like a queen is a whole other story...